First of all, lets get started with why you should be kinder to yourself. We live in an incredibly judgemental society where expectations are pushed on us forcibly, and we're taught to 'be' someone most of us aren't. Especially in this modern age of social media, we're constantly reminded that we're 'not good enough' just because we don't look like someone or we don't own a certain clothing item. We all feel insecure sometimes, but remember that no one can truly live up to the standard that society has for us. You're not going to be happy all the time, and it's okay to not be okay.
I used to have an incredibly toxic relationship with myself (as odd as that sounds). There was a time in my life where I hit rockbottom and only then did I realise that I couldn't go on like that. I started feeling insecure about myself when I was younger, and I had friendship problems. But I convinced myself that if I changed, these problems wouldn't exist. I blamed myself in situations that I had no control over, and even when I should have put my foot down and stood up for myself, I didn't. I went through a very negative cycle of having arguments with people and then apologizing the next day, fearful that maybe I was in the wrong, and everything was my fault. Of course, this didn't solve any problem we had and the argument would soon flare up again. It got to a point where all this crazy shit would be happening around me, and I'd blame myself for everything. Hindsight is a wonderful thing, and at the time if somebody would have told me I was depressed I would have adamantly denied the idea, citing it as ridiculous. Looking back however, I realize just how constricted and alone I felt. I confronted myself with the idea that I couldn't truly try to give anyone else love without loving myself. That was the first step in my healing process, and I'm so very glad I made that decision.
I realize that was quite a depressing paragraph, but I felt it was important to share my experience with people in hopes of connecting with others. After I'd sat myself down and had a good long cry about things, I pulled myself together, started concentrating on things that really matter to me, and cleaned my room. A bit of an anti-climax I know, but I cannot stress this enough (CLICHÉ ALERT): A clear space=a clear mind. After cleaning my room and getting rid of things I didn't need anymore (donated to charity shops of course) I found I had a tidy room, and felt more accomplished. I sat down at my now sparkling desk, and started revising for a maths test. I'd been procrastinating about doing so for a long time, but I told myself that I now had no excuses and better get on with it. I actively wanted to do well, and I persevered even when I was stuck. As a result of my new-found mindset, I got the highest grade possible for that test, which showed me that I can do things, I just needed to want to do them.
I then proceeded to 'cleanse' my life. I sat and thought about why I felt so bad about myself, and came to the conclusion that I needed to surround myself with people who have similar ambitions to me in life. I started standing up for myself, and in doing so I slowly detached myself from the toxicity, respectfully drifting away. Being surrounded by the right people can go a long way, and I became conditioned to have a positive mindset. I did activities that I enjoyed, and found people who also enjoyed them, meaning I made new friends who, prior, I would never have had the confidence to talk to. If you know me, you'll know I'm never on my phone or social media. I focus on myself, and I'm happy to say that I'm currently thriving in myself (lets just hope I haven't jinxed that). I started saying positive things to myself each day, and after a while, I began to believe them. I glowed from within, to then glow from the exterior as well (people honestly came up to me and started complimenting me on my skin). This newfound confidence I had really was a game changer.
In summary, here's a list of how to focus on the baddest b out there (aka you.)
- digital detox
- positive affirmations ( see link for examples: https://poosh.com/affirmations-that-will-shift-your-energy/ )
-invest in yourself. You won't see the results straight away, but hang in there!
- join a club or start an activity you enjoy ->chances are, you'll find someone who loves it almost as much as you do! (friendships or romance on the horizon?)
- believe. You're such an incredible person, and you're doing great.
A lot of this was from my own personal experience, but please feel free to lmk how you feel and your coping mechanisms in the comments! I'm always here if anyone wants to talk :)
all my love,
n x